What Now?
by evilteddybear
Summary: After all is said and done, is Micheal really free after all? pointless introspective oneshot


Micheal halted at the entrance of his new apartment. It was supposed to be his new "home". The entire situation was unreal. He had half expected to live and die under the control of SOLOMON. Dreams of finally escaping the STN-J had constantly filled his mind as he immersed himself in the virtual world. Now that he was really free however,…he didn't know what to do.

The computer genius finally decided to venture into the darkness that hid his new apartment from view. After finding a light he stopped a minute to survey his surroundings. It was just a sparsely furnished one-bedroom flat. In his daze he didn't really see it at all.

He stood there in the middle of the room for a minute as his mind tried to adjust to his new situation. What now? Would he even be able to remember how to live in normal circumstances anymore? He was completely disconnected from the world around him. The only world he had existed in for years had been the STN-J and the net.

Abruptly the young man dropped onto a nearby black recliner for lack of anything else to do. His suitcase was promptly placed beside him. Slowly he settled himself into a position with both elbows on his knees, his back bent, his forehead cradled in his hands, and his eyes staring blankly at the ground.

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The next morning it took Micheal several minutes to realize that he was awake. His surroundings were new so ;obviously, he had assumed he was still dreaming. When reality settled in however, he continued to stare blankly at the ceiling. Where were his whoops of joy? Where was the happiness he should feel? Where was his sense of freedom?

He should probably go talk to someone. Karasuma might give him some of her time. Would he like that? Micheal suddenly came to a disturbing realization. He didn't know himself at all anymore. What did he even like to do? It was expected that he go outside, that he socialize and re-instigate himself into the world. Would that make him happy? It was supposed to.

His friends thought he was a friendly person. They were intimidated by his knowledge, but appreciated it when he helped them none-the-less. So…is that who he was? Was he an odd, happy-go-lucky, computer genius? He couldn't tell.

Micheal remembered a time at which there were hundreds of things he would want to do immediately upon his release. Where did all of his hope, dreams, energy, and drive go?

The truth was that around the second year of his imprisonment he had finally broken. Every day many people come close to breaking or at least hysteria. Stress could get to everyone eventually. This was different though. It wasn't quite insanity, but it was beyond hysteria or stress. He had been pushed beyond that. He was like a vase that had broken so many times that it was now a fine powder. Not only could he never be the same as he was before, it was doubtful that he could ever regain ANY solid shape again. Micheal was completely and utterly broken. He was literally the "living dead".

There was so much he could do, so much he could accomplish, so much he was expected to accomplish. Many people told him he had great potential and would do great things one day. What was it exactly he was supposed to do?

Micheal lay contemplating this for a long time as he sat staring at the apartment's white, speckled ceiling. He knew that he should go out and make a new place for himself out in the real world. In the end though, he was too weak. His will was broken, so he did the only thing he could bring himself to do.

Slowly Micheal got up, got a drink, and then sat down at his lap-top to immerse himself in the virtual world. Virtual reality had not yet broken him. He had a place there.

So he sat, and life passed him by. He sat at his computer with his mind in virtual reality. Despite his supposed freedom; in the end he simply wasn't strong enough, wasn't whole enough of a person to escape SOLOMON's grasp and go back to the real world after all.

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** AN:** Hey, it's me. You probably hate me right now. I havn't been faithfully updating at all. I don't know what to tell you really. I feel like how I portrayed Micheal in this introspective one-shot. I'm starting to feel better but it's like I don't even remember what it's like to be alive. I've basically been living in the fake reality of other people's fanfics.

I think an Evanescence(sp?) song would go good with this fic don't you?

Well yeah, I'm depressed and this is depressing. Hope my mood doesn't rub off on you. sighs I'm going to go try to find some humor and fluffy romance along with sugar to cheer me up.

hugs to you all I really do appreciate you reading this. :)


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